the SINGLE man's most hated question?

"So why aren't you dating anyone?" (and the variations of such). This could be the most despised question I continuously encounter. I probably hear this one at least a few times a week from various people, usually older married friends or acquaintances. Gotta love the older ladies in the church, and I mean gotta. Most are pretty much genuinely concerned. I get the flattering comments of "you're a great catch" and "I can't believe some girl hasn't snagged you up!". They mean well but it's not that I don't think about or consider things. I'm pretty selective and picky when it comes to dating, maybe too much, but it's not a game to me or a means to pass the time.

I'm a minister and for one, the woman must be a solid believer. I need this as a minister, someone who is able to minister along side me and not sit on the sidelines.

As a minister I need a woman who is willing to depart from her parents and family and start a life possibly away from them. I don't know where the Lord will lead me but she needs to be ok with following God wherever He leads, even if it means a great distance from her family.

Those first two usually knock out a large portion of women.

Now comes the picky part,

I am drawn to women who are full of life, laughs and makes me laugh, knows how to have a good time, someone who can lift me up with a smile, who doesn't take themselves too seriously but knows when to be serious, someone who enjoys crowds but can handle solitude, someone who can appreciate sports (preferably play them), someone who can laugh at their own clumsiness, but is put together, someone who can rough it in the woods a little bit but can make a head turn when she enters an art gallery, I like a woman who can talk and carry on a conversation but doesn't have to talk to hear herself, someone who is nurturing and desires to be a mother, someone who is confident in who she is but not overbearing, someone who is quirky and not afraid to admit it, someone who knows what she wants and is ready for a real relationship, someone who I enjoy to be around, someone who is a good friend.

It's a balance that I'm looking for I guess. It's picky but it's what attracts me. I've tried to explain it to close female friends of mine but there is something about a woman that you are attracted to that is a sweet irritation. There are certain quirks that make her unique. Those quirks may be irritating to others but it's something about that the thing she does that sends you up the wall and you love it. It's stupid, I know. And I can't accurately describe it with words, but other guys know what I'm talking about. It's something that might even bug you but you love it cause it's "hers" and that's unique about her, it irritates but it's attractive.

It's waiting on that beautiful woman that compliments me and I to her. It just hasn't happened yet. There have been close ones, but not it. There have been ones that I've looked back and thought I should have pursued her, but I was stupid. And I'll probably think that again later, if she doesn't come for a while.

Well, I notice I'm rambling and it's been long, but that's some of the answer to why I'm not dating anyone or married by now. It's not God's timing and there are a select few who attract me in that way. I could be too picky but I'm only taking one shot at marriage, so I better make it right!

What say you?

Who's Culture Do I Select?

Alot of people, especially younger generation, are talking about being missional and reaching our culture. The terms seem to be tossed around like a beach ball in a hurricane. I fully support the idea behind being missional, in terms that we should seek ways to understand the culture around us to reach them. But my main question is this, "Given that we are in America, what does our culture look like and how do we define it?" Do we define culture as ethnic, specifically targeting to reach only Koreans or Hispanics? Do we define culture as common philosophies of life and life experiences?

Living in America we have a grand array of ethnicities, lifestyles, thought patters, philosophies, ways of life, etc. So by which do we define as our culture? Does the culture of Seattle differ from the culture of Oklahoma City? My concern is that if we attempt to only reach the "culture" of a certain type then it might be pretty easy to fall into the mentality of "us 4 and no more" that has plagued many Baptist churches in the past. If we seek to target only the Indie rockers and artsy type then there is a chance of an unwelcoming spirit to the cowboy who wonders in or the stock broker on Wall Street. I fear if we focus too much on reaching a certain type of "culture", whether ethnic or philosophical, we may run the horrible risk of excluding others around us because they are not within our "target culture".

My thought is that if we are to be the Church, we should have a varying mosaic of different cultures within our local congregations. In America we have a myriad of "cultures", however defined, all around us, especially in the cities. As a church we should not target a certain type of "culture" over another but understand the vastness of the ones around us and offer varying ministries within the church to reach them. I don't think the local church as a whole should target a specific "culture". If I target the Indie rocker then who is going to target the cowboy or the stock broker or the Hispanic or the Asian or the...you get the point. I don't want to leave it up to someone else to reach a certain "type of culture". I want to reach them all.

Am I alone in this thought or way off base?

Doing what I can and learning what I can't

Lately, as some of you know, I've started working the midnight shift at UPS for a little extra income (and I mean little) but mostly for the benefits. The Lord has secured in my heart a desire to minister to and reach college and young adults. In order to do this, I needed to find a little extra income (b/c student loan payments will start soon) and I'm in need of better and cheaper insurance, which I gain from UPS.
The midnight shift starts at 11pm and ends around 3am, with some variation. I thought that it would be fine. I would get in get about 6 hours of sleep and still be ok going into work at the church around 10am. Yeah, that's been a little rough. I've come to the stunning realization that I'm not in college anymore and 6 hrs of sleep is not going to cut it after some hard manual labor. I get some good deep sleep but wake up in the morning still dog tired from the nights work. I'm doing what I can to do what I feel God has called me to do but I'm also learning that there are some things that I can't quite do anymore (i.e. go on 6 hrs or less of sleep a night). I chalk it up to getting a little older even though I don't really feel old, but then again I'm 27. Stopping and thinking about it, that is crazy!! It's hard for me to even believe I'm 27. That's only 3 years from 30. What?!! Well, I'll just have to accept the fact that I have changed whether I like or not.
I guess that is a part of getting older, realizing what you can't do any more but enjoying and doing what you can.

Yeah, another sign I'm getting older...I just posted about work, insurance, and sleep. Geez, I can't win for losing!!

Uncle-hood

I am, at this very moment, awaiting an exciting phone call that my beautiful new niece has just entered the world. While I am here in Raleigh working and waiting for the phone call (and emailed pics) my family is waiting anxiously at Cobb General Hospital in Ga for the newest arrival to our family. Although I can't be there in person (how I wish I could be) I will have to settle for a long drive on Friday to see her, with an all too soon return trip to Raleigh on Sunday morning.

I am so excited about becoming an uncle. Words can't express how happy I am and how much fun it will be. I just wanted to share this with you all, and simply say to my sweet beautiful niece Ava,...welcome to the world!! You are a beautiful gift from God and you are so dearly loved.

P.S. We are going to drive your parents crazy!!

Love,
Uncle Adam

The Wedding Planner and being Missional

Lately I've been reading a great book called "Breaking the Missional Code" by Ed Stetzer and David Putman. The point the authors are trying to make is that we here in America need to live in our communities as missionaries do overseas. No, you don't have to build a grass hut in suburbia and go without running water or toiletries. (That's not how most missionaries live either). The point is to live with intentionality. When missionaries go overseas they are placed into a whole new context of living, a whole new culture. They learn the customs, language, and culture of the people they are trying to reach with the Gospel. They build purposeful relationships with those in that culture and find ways to present the Gospel to them within their context. They make connections that draw them to Christ.

When I left my little town in GA to move to seminary I contemplated the questions that Stetzer and Putman raise in their book. Why don't I live like missionaries do? Why is there a difference between the way they live for Christ and the way I live for Christ? Simply put, I think it is because we are in our comfort zones. We live in the same town we grew up in (or something similar to it), know most of the people around us, only associate with those who go to our church, it is all about ME. Most do not live outside of their comfort zone. Missionaries have no choices. If they don't like the food, they starve. If they don't connect with people, they don't spread the Gospel. They live mostly out of their comfort familiarities for the sake of the Gospel. If we don't like the food, we don't go to that restaurant. If we don't connect with our city, we seclude ourselves to our "church friends".

I was watching The Wedding Planner recently(yes, I'm a guy, yes, I watched it, and yes, I liked it) and was convicted by a part of the movie. Can you believe it?! I was convicted by a secular movie!! Jennifer Lopez's character loves to play scrabble. She is even apart of a scrabble club. Later in the movie she reveals that she loves scrabble because her parents moved to America and didn't know how to speak English and so they joined a scrabble club to learn the language. This convicted me for two reasons. 1. There are social avenues to meet the lost and connect with the culture around me that I don't even know exist because I'm too caught up in my own little world and comfort zone to even seek them out. 2. I have a friend from India that has been in America for a little over a year. He is involved in many social networks and events to try to make friends. I've been in Raleigh for almost 4 years and probably don't know half of the places and people he does only being in Raleigh for 6 months.

This is the reason I named my blog Engage the Culture. No, we don't live in a 3rd world nation, but our culture in America is vast and ever changing and we need to realize that in order to reach our cities for the Gospel we need to quit living for ourselves and begin living for Christ and engaging the culture so that many might come to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior.

I definitely do not do things right but this is where my heart burns. I desperately want to see people come to Christ. The way I've been living has not been the most fruitful way. It might be time for a change. Time to begin living as a missionary among my own country. This is being Missional, this is engaging the culture.

Are you up for a change too?!